


Flowers

by BookBluff



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, F/M, High School, Marauders era, Oneshot, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 13:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3611802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookBluff/pseuds/BookBluff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily Evans has been spending her life surrounded by flowers, and she's sick of it, but her admirers won't take no for an answer until she snaps. With no one hounding her to go out with them, she starts to get feelings for one of her former admirers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, this is my first marauders era fic, and it's also my first time writing this kind of romance drama stuff, so I'm sorry if it's bad. Hope you like it :3

Lily sat on the edge of a pier she'd conjured, her shoes beside her as she trailed her toes in the water. The giant squid was quiet tonight, the only sound was that of owls flapping overhead. She came out here some nights to think, when she couldn't sleep. An event that was occurring all too much lately.

She twirled a rose between her fingers, staring at the red petals in the moonlight. It was a stunning rose, and not the only one she'd received lately.

Lily let the rose drop into the water below her, and leaned back on her hands, looking up at the sky, basking in the moon and star light.

As always, the cool air helped clear her thoughts, though it didn't help her get anywhere near solving her biggest problem right now.

The rose had been a token of affection, from James Potter, a boy she had very little interest in. He was one of those Gryffindors that made a bad name for the rest of them. Always getting into trouble. He'd cost them the house cup two years running. Lily could never understand why so many of the girls in her classes were obsessed with him. The only good attributes were his skills at Quidditch, and his looks. Lily had never cared overly much for particularly sporty types, much less those who spent too much time caring about how they looked.

“I thought I'd find you here.” Lily looked up, and smiled, as Severus Snape sat down next to her. “Can't sleep again?” He asked. Lily shook her head, carefully pushing the rose under the pier with her foot, so he wouldn't see it. He hated James, and would be annoyed at his cockiness in constantly sending her red roses.

“How about you?” Lily asked, her feet trailing patterns in the water now that the rose was out of sight.

“You know I can't.” Severus scowled. “I could give you something to help you sleep though. If you want.”

Lily smiled and shook her head. “I'm perfectly capable of brewing something up myself, should I need it. You should take it, though. You don't look so great.”

“That's not from lack of sleep.” Severus's scowl deepened. “It's that Potter dick.”

“He's not that bad.” Lily said, mostly to herself. He'd never been anything but nice to her, though she often heard from Severus how cruel he was to her friend. “Just a big, dumb jock. Don't let him get to you.”

“He's just like the rest of the Gryffindors. You're the only one worth anything in that house.”

Lily sighed. “That's not true, and you know it. There are plenty of other great people in Gryffindor. You just don't see them like I do.”

Silence stretched between them for a while, Lily looking up at the stars, while Severus watched the patterns her feet made in the water. His own were crossed beneath him.

“What's this?” Severus asked, picking up his wand and summoning something to him. Lily winced as he grasped the rose in his hand, as though she could feel the thorns piercing his skin.

“It's a rose.” She said.

More silence stretched for a moment. “From him?” Severus's eyes were narrowed, he already knew the answer.

“It's just a rose. It doesn't mean anything. And it's not like I'm going to go out with him.”

“That's a crock, and you know it.” Severus threw the rose back in the water. “He charms girls, that's what he does. You can't fall for his bullshit.”

Lily slid off of the pier, into the knee deep water, caring little for her nightdress as it dragged in the water. She vanished the pier she'd conjured, causing Severus to fall in the water.

“I can look out for myself.” She said, glowering, before seeming to disappear with an exceedingly well-cast disillusionment charm, and stalking back off to the castle.

Severus picked himself up out of the lake, soaked through his pyjamas, and hurried out of the lake, chasing after Lily's wet footprints on the path.

“Wait!” He called. “I'm sorry!” Lily ignored him, and soon her footprints disappeared as she must have dried herself. Severus cursed, and ran his fingers through his long hair. It was starting to get oily, though he'd only washed it a few hours earlier.

Instead of going back to the Gryffindor tower, Lily waited in the Entrance Hall, as Severus came in, his disillusionment charm well cast, though offset by the fact a ball of light preceded him. Lily waited for him to descend down to the basements, before she followed him.

Where he turned down to the Slytherin common room, she turned the other way, heading towards the Hufflepuff common room, though that wasn't her destination.

She arrived in front of the painting of a bowl of fruit, trying to remember what James had done when he'd taken her here last week under his invisibility cloak, trying to win her affection. It hadn't worked, though she'd been intrigued by the idea of being able to get into the kitchen whenever she wanted.

She poked the pineapple. Nothing happened, though the fruit seemed to shiver a little. After a moment, she remembered what it was, and tickled the pear. The painting swung open, and admitted her to the kitchens.

Setting that in her memory, she walked into the kitchen, the painting closing behind her, as she found herself amongst house elves, all looking towards her, though her disillusionment charm held still. She let it drop, though she had the feeling they had been seeing her regardless of the charm, not just looking in the right direction.

“Would Miss like something to eat?” Lily looked down, distracted by the voice by her knee.

“Oh, yes, please, if it's not too much.” She said. The house elf grabbed hold of her hand and tugged her over to a table. Lily sat down, and before long the table was piled high with food, from roast sandwiches, to pumpkin pie. There was lots of breakfast stuff as well, bacon, eggs, toast. All sorts of cereals.

As Lily picked up a roast beef sandwich, she couldn't help but wonder at the excess of food that was in the kitchen. Just how much food was wasted, when the students and staff had finished eating? What did they do with it? Was it all thrown out?

She wondered if she could ask Professor Dumbledore. As a prefect, she had more interaction with him than the other students, though not as much as the Head Boy and Girl.

She made a mental note to ask him when she next saw him, as she ate the sandwich, and a slice of pumpkin pie.

“Thank you.” The house elf seemed surprised by her thanks.

“No trouble at all Miss. Thank you for coming.” Lily smiled at the elf, though she was scowling inwardly as she wondered if James, and his friends, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew, who she was sure feasted in this kitchen every other night or so, ever thanked the house elves who fed them.

Lily covered herself in the disillusionment charm once more before heading back out of the kitchen.

She could still remember the first time she'd broken the rules, sneaking out of her dorm at night, because she couldn't sleep. Things had seemed somehow much simpler then, though truly the situation had barely changed since.

She'd been having trouble sleeping, after she'd received her first rose from James. Unlike almost every other girl in her year, she'd never shown even the slightest interest in the best Quidditch player in the school. Yet she was the one he began to almost stalk with his attentions.

Of course, she never returned any of the affection he showed her. Though that didn't stop him from continuing to show his affection for her. She'd tried telling him to stop, not long after the first rose.

She'd gone from annoyed, to angry, and back again, so many times since the first rose. Severus seemed just as sure as James did that his persistence would end up winning her over. Lily was still annoyed at Severus for thinking she'd date that idiot. She may not think he was the worst person in the world – certainly, life outside of Hogwarts was looking dark. But that didn't mean she was ever going to date him. Why couldn't Severus just trust her to make the right decision?

Halfway up to the Gryffindor common room, she decided to head somewhere else instead. As she entered the prefects bathroom, she was assaulted with the smell of lilies, a reminder of her other problem.

Lilies were spread all around the room, from her fellow Gryffindor sixth year prefect. Remus had been trying to win her affection for even longer than James had.

She glared at the beautiful, white flowers, and with a quick spell, vanished them. She poured herself a bath, and slipped in, still feeling angry.

From Remus and James, who wouldn't take no for an answer, though Remus seemed content in merely showering her in lilies, while James constantly tried to ask her out, regardless of how many times she denied him. Then there was Severus, her first friend in Hogwarts, who didn't trust her to make her own decision.

She sighed, as she scrubbed her body in the hot bath water.

Finally, when she lay down in her bed, a mere couple of hours before dawn, she slept.

Lily had created another pier, and was sitting on it again, her feet once more trailing in the water. Tonight she hadn't removed her disillusionment charm when she'd left the castle. She was still angry at Severus.

But tonight it wasn't Severus who found her.

“You know, if you want to stay hidden, you're better off not moving the water about in that way. It doesn't help that there's a pier here, where there wasn't before.” Lily sighed as she recognised the voice, and ended her disillusionment charm as Sirius sat down beside her, letting a length of silvery fabric fall in a bundle beside him. Unlike Severus, he took off his shoes, and let his feet join hers in the water of the lake.

“Doesn't that belong to James?” Lily asked, pointing to the length of fabric. Sirius grinned easily.

“We're friends, sharing is caring. Isn't that what they taught you at your muggle school?”

Lily frowned, and turned to look at the handsome teenager, friend to both boys trying to win her affection. “And how would you know that?” She asked.

Sirius shrugged. “Remus told me, after you shared your homework with him that one time.”

Lily cast her mind back, to the only time she'd shared her homework with anyone. “That was five years ago.”

“It made an impression on me.”

“If you give me a flower, I will punch you.” Lily said. She had had enough of it with the roses she received daily from James, and the lilies that filled her four poster bed every evening.

Sirius laughed. “Don't get me wrong, you're cute and all, but I'm just not interested.”

“Well at least there's one person who isn't.” Lily sighed, and relaxed the hand she'd curled into a fist.

“They're both besotted with you, you know?”

“I didn't ask for their attention.” Lily said, indignant. “I've asked for them to stop, though neither of them will.”

“Remus thinks he's been in love with you since second year.”

“He can't know what love is, if that's the case.”

Sirius sighed. “Well, I don't disagree with you there. You're probably the only girl in this school who treats him as an actual person.”

“Then what's James' excuse? You can't say I'm the only girl in this school who sees him as a person. Merlin knows most of the girls in this school worship them.”

Sirius laughed now. “Well, that's the thing. You're the one who doesn't.”

“So what? He's got girls throwing themselves at his feet, but he wants the one girl who's not interested?”

“Something like that.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “It's bullshit.”

“Or, maybe he's actually in love with you.”

“Why?”

“I don't know. You're beautiful, smart, funny. What normal guy wouldn't be in love with you?”

“You, apparently.”

Sirius grinned again, and used his foot to flick some water at Lily's bare calves. “I said normal. I didn't say devilishly handsome genius.”

Lily laughed, and shook her head. “Wasn't that part of your whole friendship with those two anyway? That you're all, as you put it, 'devilishly handsome geniuses'?”

“Something like that. Though I'm obviously the most handsome and clever.” He ran his fingers through his long hair. Unlike Severus's hair, his wasn't oily.

“I think most of the girls are in disagreement about that.”

“Let them. Not everyone can be right about everything.”

“Like your friends aren't right about being in love with me.”

Sirius flicked more water at her feet. “Or, maybe they are. Maybe you should either choose one, or tell all three of them no, once and for all.”

“All three of them?” Lily asked. “Don't tell me Peter's obsessed with me too.”

“Peter? No, he's happy enough delivering flowers for the two of them. I'm talking about Snivellus.” His handsome face sneered as he said the name. Lily glared at him.

“I hope you don't mean Severus. I've asked you all before, not to call him that. Besides, he's just a friend.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Like Remus is just a friend? If he didn't send you flowers, would you even know that he liked you?”

“And he's friends with other girls, does he want to go out with all of them?” Lily shot back. “Sometimes boys and girls can just be friends without either of them wanting something more. You don't want anything more with me. Nor I with you.”

“You can't tell me that you've never seen the way he looks at you. He idolises you.”

“I'm one of his only friends in this school, thanks you and your friends. At least he doesn't pick on people to make himself feel more important.” Lily snapped, grabbing her wand. “Look, I don't want to hear any more about this. Why do you think I'm out here, unable to sleep? I can't get rid of them. I've tried.”

“They still believe they've got a chance.”

Lily slipped off the pier, into the knee high water, and grabbed her shoes. “Not through any fault of mine. If they still think they've got a chance, it's because they can't get the word no through their thick heads.” She said, and walked off.

Sirius sat on the pier for a while longer, watching her as she cast another disillusionment charm and as the door to the castle opened and closed again behind her. He waited a while before he slipped the invisibility cloak on, and vanished the pier, heading back to his own dorm.

The next night Lily went straight to the prefects bathroom, instead of trying to go down to the pier, where she was sure someone would surely come and interrupt her attempt at getting some time alone. At least in the prefects bathroom, the door was locked behind her, and the only prefect she knew, besides her, who wandered around after hours, had a date with the shrieking shack tonight.

The fact that there was a possibility (albeit slim) of a werewolf being on grounds had never even crossed Lily's mind when she decided to go to the bathrooms instead of outside. She'd been out there before during this time of the month. She knew that Remus was in the shrieking shack during this time, with James, Sirius, and Peter. She also knew several spells that would help her should she encounter a werewolf.

No, she didn't want Severus to come find her, and tell her how she was inevitably going to fall for James' charm again.

The bathroom hadn't been filled with lilies this time, to her relief. She was never sure if Remus simply somehow knew when she'd go to the prefects bathroom, or if he kept the room filled with lilies constantly, probably annoying the other prefects who walked in on them as much as they annoyed her.

She'd tried talking to James today, asking him to stop. He'd laughed and asked why. When Lily had told him she wasn't interested in him, he asked her what that had to do with him giving her flowers.

“What are you even complaining about, Evans? They're beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl. I'm not asking you to do anything, I'm just giving you flowers. No problem.”

She'd ended up with no less than a dozen roses from him by the end of the day, one of which she tore up in front of him, she was so annoyed at his attentions. Not that that stopped them.

And Sirius had thought she was being ambiguous.

She talked to Severus again the next day, after he apologised yet again for not trusting her to say no to him. She ate lunch with him outside, enjoying the late autumn day near the lake. That was when he gave her a petunia.

“What's this for?” She asked, staring at the flower, and feeling a pang of guilt. Her sister never replied to the letters she sent, and barely talked to her during their summers together. She'd always given her sister petunias for her birthdays though, and the flower reminded her of when they were both younger, the happy look on Petunia's face as she accepted the bunch of flowers from her sister, usually picked from their parents garden.

“I was wondering if maybe...”

“Severus...”

“Please, Lily, would you...”

“No, Severus.” Lily shook her head, and shoved the petunia back at him, jumping up and abandoning her lunch to run inside, only to get another rose from James.

She didn't conjure a pier that night, choosing to sit on the edge of the lake with her legs stretched out before her, feet in the lake, and laying back on the shore, staring up at the sky above her, dotted with stars and a full moon. Her disillusionment charm was still on, and she didn't move as she hard footsteps approaching her.

She knew who it was, as he walked briefly around the lake, without even seeing him.

When he couldn't find her anywhere, Severus turned around, and headed back to the castle, leaving Lily alone once again, breathing a sigh of relief.

She glared as a black dog came racing towards her from the grounds, tail wagging. He sniffed around her, making an obvious point of saying he knew she was there.

“Bugger it.” She said, dispelling the disillusionment charm on her as Sirius transformed back to his usual self, his doggy grin changing to a perfectly human one on his handsome face.

“Nothing gets past my nose.” He said, as he slipped his shoes off, and sat down next to her, stretching his feet out into the water near hers.

“I suppose your crew must be nearby.” Lily said, as she sat up.

Sirius shook his head. “Nah, Remus is still howling. James and Peter are keeping him company. I said I needed a little fresh air.”

Lily dug her toes into the wet sand on the bottom of the lake. “When in reality you just wanted to harass me to choose one of your friends again?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow as he looked at her. “You really think I'd bring up such a sensitive issue with you again? No sir. I merely felt the need for some conversation that stretches beyond howling and chittering.”

“Too hard to go to a different room with James or Peter and transform back?”

Sirius grinned. “Well, Peter's the only one who'd go. He can be a bit grovelling sometimes. James wouldn't want to leave Remus alone.”

“So just what were you thinking this conversation would be about?” Lily asked, still wary that Sirius would again bring up the issue that kept her awake at night.

“Well your love life's obviously off limits, and I have none to speak of. Have you read any good books lately?”

“You actually know how to read?”

Sirius laughed, a hearty chortle, before shaking his head. “Nah, never learned. Remus reads to me sometimes though.” He elbowed her. “I just get bored with all of the textbooks they prescribe. Have you ever read Hogwarts: A History? I fell asleep halfway through the first page.”

“Maybe you were just tired.” Lily suggested, unable to stop the smile that spread across her face.

“Tired? I'd gotten a full night's sleep. I was feeling awake and ready to go. I could have won a Quidditch match then and there. But I decided to try reading that book instead, and I was out like a light before I knew what had happened.”

Lily talked for a while about one of her favourite muggle fiction books. Sirius nodded along, and seemed to be acting interested. Lily harboured no illusions that he was actually interested in reading the muggle book. Even when he asked where he could find it, Lily doubted he'd ever find it, let alone read it.

After almost an hour, Sirius stood up, and transformed back into a large black dog. He nudged Lily's arm with his muzzle, as though in farewell, before turning around and loping back across the grounds.

Lily sat by herself for a while longer, before she headed back up to her dormitory, and somehow managed to fall asleep.

The next night occurred in much the same manner. Lily lay with her feet in the lake, looking up at the stars and moon, ignoring Severus when he came looking for her. Then Sirius approached, knowing exactly where she was, in spite of the disillusionment charm that had fooled the grounds keeper, and Severus.

They talked for a while, keeping to light topics, about another of Lily's favourite books. Then Sirius changed back, and returned to the shack to keep his friends company, as Lily went to bed, and to sleep.

Lily managed to avoid Severus fairly well for the next week. She only shared one class with him, making it easy to surround herself with other Gryffindors during those lessons. At night when he started to call her name as he looked for her, and apologised again, without knowing for sure she was there, she felt bad. She might have other friends, but he didn't. She was the only person in this school who gave him the time of day. But she wasn't ready to speak to him again yet.

Sirius kept joining her to talk for a while at nighs. Talkingabout different books. One night he surprised her. Somehow he'd managed to get a copy of her favourite book, and read it, and they discussed it, a kind of conversation Lily had been yearning to have since she'd come to Hogwarts.

Talking about books in the wizarding world was all well and good, but they weren't the only books that Lily read. There were few other muggle born witches and wizards in her year, meaning not many people read muggle books that she could talk with.

It was a sweet novelty to her to be able to discuss the book with Sirius, from the characters to the writing style. More than the fact he'd read the book in the first place, he surprised her deeply with some of his insights into the book.

It wasn't long before Lily began to look forward to her nights out of the castle for more than just a breath of fresh air as she couldn't sleep, a chance to relax and look at the stars and the moon.

It wasn't until, inevitably, Sirius was late in showing up, that it hit home just how much she'd been enjoying these late night chats. At that moment she quickly ran back inside, still covered by her disillusionment charm, and almost bumped into Sirius as he walked out of the castle, heading to the lake. She watched him for a moment, as he headed over to where she usually lay, waiting for him, before shaking her head, and heading up to the Gryffindor common room, and her dormitory.

She was falling for Sirius Black. And somehow even worse, she knew that it hadn't been intentional on his part. In spite of himself, Sirius had tried, every night, to talk up James to her. She almost hadn't noticed it until she wondered why he hadn't been talking about Remus in the same way he had James.

He'd even given James the book to read after he had, which she'd found out when he approached her during break, when she was avoiding Severus in the library, and tried to talk to her about it, while giving her a rose.

She was sure that she would hate herself if James or Remus had managed to win her over through their persistence, though somehow it seemed worse that Sirius hadn't even been trying – because he wasn't even interested in her, as he'd so eloquently put it.

She cried into her pillow that night with her realisation, and vowed to ignore Sirius as she did Severus, until her emotions had cleared up.

She spent the next few days hiding out in the herbology section of the library, where none of the boys who liked her, or Sirius, would likely go. Part of her was annoyed that she felt the need to hide out in the library, when it was all their fault.

The full moon had come and gone again before Lily felt the need to go outside overcome her need to avoid Remus, James, Sirius, and Severus. She thought it would be safe enough. Severus must have given up by now. James and Remus had certainly never disturbed her nights when she was unable to sleep. And Sirius too, had to have given up by now. Surely after she hadn't come out a few nights, he hadn't come back down. And he had no reason to be in his dog form, to be able to sniff her out.

Lily didn't leave someone spotting her to chance, making sure her disillusionment charm was the best she could produce, before she headed outside. Instead of going to her usual spot by the lake, she headed to a small clearing a few feet into the Forbidden Forest. She'd been in the Forbidden Forest before, during Care of Magical Creatures classes, as well as some Herbology classes, though never alone, and never at night.

While the walk to the forest had been very quiet, the forest itself seemed to be very much alive with sound. The clearing she'd been looking for was only just past the first few trees, and she settled down with her back to one of them, breathing in the earthy scent of the trees and earth around her. Mentally, she was aware that a lot of the damp earthiness she could smell could be attributed to decomposing leaves on the forest floor, but oddly it seemed fresh. There was no smell of rotting, that she might expect. Just this damp, earthy scent that she wasn't entirely unfamiliar with.

She could remember hanging out in the small woods near her parents home with her sister, before she'd received her Hogwarts letter. Before she'd met Severus. Before her sister started ignoring her.

Lily felt her heart pang with the thought, and she made a mental note to send her sister another letter soon, regardless of the fact that she never received a reply. She knew her sister read and kept the letters, no matter what she said during the summer about how she'd torn them, or burned them. She'd even seen a drawer in her room, filled with the letters she'd sent.

“No dangling our feet in the lake today?” Lily swore mentally as Sirius sat next to her, leaning against the same tree, and stretching his long legs out beside hers. “I almost thought you'd been avoiding me until I caught your scent tonight. I've been missing our late night chats.”

“I have been avoiding you.” Lily said, glaring at him and standing up. “You're just like your friends. None of you can take a hint. I send the roses and lilies back, and yet still more get sent to me. I tear them up in front of James and Remus, and they laugh it off and give me more. I avoid you, because I can't deal with this, with you, and here you are, stalking me.” Her voice had climbed higher in pitch as she spoke, and hitched on the second last word. She gulped back a breath and just stood there glaring at him.

Sirius looked confused at being accused of stalking her, and held up his hands. “Hey, woah, what did I do wrong? I thought we were getting along? Having fun? You seemed happier, less worried about your three lovers.”

“They're not my lovers.” Lily snapped, stamping her foot in a childish way as though that would get her point across where mere words didn't suffice.

“What's wrong?” Sirius stood up, frowning and took a step nearer to Lily. She became aware of the proximity between their bodies and fell over trying to hurry backwards. “Lily?” Sirius offered his hand, worry written across his face. “I thought we were friends? What's the matter?”

“Why don't you like me?” Lily asked, unable to help herself, as she ignored his hand, standing up and walking across to the edge of the clearing, as though getting ready to run away.

Sirius' frown deepened. “Of course I like you. We're friends.” He stood where he was, not approaching Lily, worried that she'd run off if he stepped closer.

“But you don't like me the same way James and Remus do.” Lily cursed herself internally as she realised tears were in her eyes. She blinked a few times, telling herself that she couldn't let them spill.

“Because they like you.”

“That didn't stop James from liking me.” Lily snapped. “Why don't you just put that aside like he did?”

Sirius frowned and took a hesitant step closer. Lily's breath hitched, but she stayed where she was. “What's the problem? You didn't want more people to like you.”

“That was before...” Lily shut her mouth and shook her head. “I _don't_ want more people to like me. I don't even want the people who do like me to like me.” The tears spilled, despite herself.

Sirius closed the gap between her in a couple of moments,  and wrapped his arms around her. Lily cried on his shoulder, as he held her against him, trying to calm her. Lily sobbed hopelessly in his hold for a while. 

Lily took a few shuddering breaths, before she managed to bring herself around and step back from Sirius. She wiped her eyes, and looked at him. “I'm... I'm sorry.” She said. She hated crying in front of other people, and  that the person was Sirius made it so much worse.

“Don't be.” Sirius said, using his thumb to wipe up the tears from under her eyes. Lily stayed very still, breathing in his scent, until he stepped back. 

“I have to go.” She said, when her mind cleared up. She turned around and promptly run off.

Lily lay down on her bed, clutching her pillow to her chest, and let the tears out again. Her curtains were drawn around her bed, and she'd cast a spell to soundproof them, so she wouldn't wake up her fellow girls in the dormitory. After a while she fell asleep, tears still wet on her face.

The next morning Lily sought out Severus, choosing to sit with him at the Slytherin table, regardless of the stares and glares she got from the rest of the Slytherins who sat at the table. 

“I'm sorry I've been avoiding you.” Lily said. “You don't deserve that...”

“That's okay, you've needed time to get your mind around things.” Severus said, though the sorrow in his voice told Lily how he wished she hadn't needed the time, and the look he gave her told her exactly what he expected to get her mind around.

“I don't want to go out with you.” Lily said, up front. “I'm sorry, I just don't. I don't see you that way.” 

“But.. You're not going to date that Potter dick, are you?”

Lily glared at him. “No. Just because I don't want to date you, doesn't mean that I want to date him. I want to-” Lily cut herself off, glancing at the Gryffindor table where the four friends sat together, as always, laughing over their breakfast. She couldn't stop herself from noticing how Sirius glanced over at her. Of course, so did Remus and James, for different reasons, both with a frown on their face as they saw where she sat, and who she was sitting with. Peter didn't even notice what his friends were looking at, and continued to eat the food before him and comment on something, that got Remus to smile, and turn around, and the four friends started laughing again.

“I _don't_ want to date anyone. Not right now.” She said, looking down at the food on her own plate. She took a bite of dry toast, feeling a bunch of butterflies aggressively flapping about in her stomach.

“So... It's not that you don't want to date me, it's that you don't want to date me right now?”

Lily sighed. “I don't want to date anyone now, but I don't think I'll ever want to date you. We're friends, Severus. Good friends. And I want to keep it that way. It gets too messy when friends start dating, and I don't want that.”

“How does it get messy when two people who enjoy each others company start enjoying each others company more? And more?” Severus asked.

“You remember Katherine?” Lily asked, nodding her head at a dark haired Ravenclaw in their year, a friend of hers. “She started dating one of her best friends. Then things ended, and now they aren't friends any more.”

Severus grinned, and reached out to take hold of her hand, which Lily quickly withdrew from the table. “That's only if things don't work out. I'm sure things would work out between us.”

“We're sixteen, Severus. Do you know how many relationships that are going on with our friends now are actually going to last?”

“Your friends.” Severus said, a scowl on his face. Lily sighed.

“That's exactly it, Severus. If things don't work out between us, we won't be friends any more. I don't want to lose you, but... How would you feel, if you lost me?”

Severus shook his head. “I won't lose you. I would treat you like a Queen, like a Goddess. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. We won't break up.”

“What if I don't want to be treated like a Queen, or a Goddesss? Did you ever think about that?” Lily glowered at him, her voice raising slightly, causing heads to turn from the Hufflepuff table. Most of the Slytherins were already looking at the two of them. “You only like me because-” Lily stopped, biting her lip to keep from going on.

“What.” Severus's eyes were narrowed now. “I only like you because what?”

Lily shook her head. “Don't make me say it.”

“Say it.” His voice was cold, dripping with ice, and Lily struggled to keep tears out of her eyes.

“This is exactly what I didn't want. We're not even dating, and we're arguing.” She said, instead, trying to steer the topic into slightly less dangerous waters. 

“Why do you think I only like you?” Severus said, shooting down her attempt to change the topic. 

Despite her best efforts, tears formed in Lily's eyes. “Because I'm the only girl who gives you the time of day.” She said, her voice low. “You only like me because I'm the only girl who talks to you.” 

Severus stood up, and abruptly left the Great Hall, leaving Lily alone in a sea of green and silver who were torn between house loyalty – wanting to hate her because she's a Gryffindor, and their own personal dislike of Severus.

Lily stood up quietly, and turned to leave the Great Hall, intending to head to her first class early, and avoid all the stares she was receiving, from all of the hall now. When she left the hall, though, a girl ran up behind her, and quickly grabbed her shoulder, to stop her, before pulling her hand back, as though wary of upsetting the already obviously distressed girl.

Lily turned to look at the girl, a Slytherin with short blonde hair, slicked back off of her face. “I just wanted to say you're not in the wrong.” She said. Lily didn't recognise the girl, who was a seventh year. “I had similar problems with a friend last year, who kept pushing to date, and wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm sorry your confrontation had to be so public, and I'm sure he'll come around. After all, anyone with sense can accept that friendship with someone is better than being hated by them.” 

“Thanks.” Lily said, offering the older Slytherin a smile. The girl smiled back, and surprised Lily further by hugging her. 

Lily felt strange as she walked towards her first class. She wasn't surprised to be the first one there, and entered the classroom, choosing her usual seat and setting up, before pulling out a book to read.

The four friends were the next to arrive after her, causing Lily to groan. As if she needed more trouble this morning.

James and Remus decided to sit at the same table with her, leaving Sirius and Peter to sit at the table in front of them. Lily felt raw at this point, after she'd likely ended her longest friendship. She could still remember the kind young boy who was so nice about explaining the magical world to her.

James, sitting next to her, acted the idiot, practically falling over backwards in his attempts to make her smile. Remus took the more serious side. Sirius, sitting in front of her, stayed silent, though he offered her a smile that gave her the strength to make it through the rest of the day.

She looked out for Severus, during the class they shared, but he wasn't there, causing Lily's heart to sink further.

She hated the thought that she'd never be friends with him again. He'd been a good friend with her, despite everything, all these years. And he'd been the only person she felt she could openly talk to about Petunia. 

James mentioned in Potions, after Lily gave the wrong answer, for the first time in her academic career, startling everyone in the class, and in particular Professor Slughorn, that he was going to make Severus pay for hurting her.

“He hasn't hurt me.” Lily snapped, turning on him after class. “I hurt him.”

“He made you cry.” James said, referring to a silent tear she'd thought had gone unnoticed during Charms.

“Because I'm upset that I hurt him, and may have lost him as a friend. Because of what _I_ said. Not because of anything he did.”

“He did push you to say what you did.” Remus piped in. The four friends hadn't left Lily alone all day, except for the few classes she had separate to any of them. It had been completely impossible to dodge Remus, who shared all of her classes. 

Lily shook her head. “But I still said it. I could have refused. Besides, it was because I nearly said it in the first place that he pushed. I could have not brought it up at all.”

“But you did, and he handled it badly.” Remus said. 

“Why won't you guys just leave me alone?” Lily pleaded. She needed to be alone. To think. Maybe even to cry some more. Especially after Sirius had hugged her on the walk from Charms to Potions. Naturally that had prompted James and Remus to hug her as well, and Peter after the two of them.

“Because he made you cry.” James said, unblinking.

“I probably made _him_ cry, I don't see you dogging him.”

“Woof.” Sirius said, one hand shifting to a paw and batting at her before he let it go back again, grinning all the while.

Lily blinked at him, struggling to keep her mouth from breaking into a smile that would betray her. 

“He doesn't look nearly as nice as you.” James said, causing Lily to sigh.

“Well, I'm going to go to the toilet now, if you all don't object.” She grumbled, heading off to the girls bathrooms. 

After washing her face and hands, she glanced out the door. They were still there, waiting for her. Lily groaned, and quickly performed a disillusionment charm, walking past them carefully and heading on to the library. Let them wait there a while until they realised she'd slipped past them.

Lily had finished her homework by the time they found her again. “See? I told you she'd left.” James said, as the four friends sat down at her table.

“I never argued with that.” Sirius said, leaning his chair back and winking at Lily in a way that made her butterflies flutter more aggressively. “I merely argued with the when of it.”

“Judging by the amount of homework done, I'd have to agree with you on that.” Remus said, setting out his own homework on the table, and starting work. 

James and Sirius rolled their eyes in unison. “So I guessed wrong. I thought she might have been in there crying or something.” He glanced at Lily. 

“I'm right here you know.” Lily chose to glower at James, since Remus was busy working on the homework he hadn't been doing while he'd waited with his friends for Lily to leave the bathroom. 

“And looking as lovely as ever.” James said, conjuring a rose for her. 

Lily threw the rose down, and shoved her books and the homework she'd done in her bag. “Now look here, James Potter, I am sick of this.” She said. “I am sick of your constant attentions. I am not interested. Nor am I interested in you, Remus Lupin.” She glowered at the two of them now, as she swung her bag onto her shoulder. “I have tried, and tried, time and again, to get the both of you to lay off on all your attentions to me. But you won't listen. So I'm going to say, one last time, leave me alone. No more flowers. I will not date you. Either of you. I'm not interested, and I never will be. Leave me alone.” She turned to walk off, before stopping. 

“And if any of you torment Severus, and I know you have done so, I will never speak to you again.” She walked off, four sets of eyes trained on her.

“What was all that about?” Peter asked, as he used the distraction of his friends to copy Remus's homework.

“You guys pushed her too far.” Sirius said. 

James held up his hands. “I wasn't the one who suggested following her around all day.”

“Don't look at me, that was Sirius.” Remus said, glancing at their other friend. “And we weren't the ones who've been hanging out with her at nights.” 

James narrowed his eyes as he glanced at Sirius. “You've been hanging out with her at nights?” He asked. 

Sirius shrugged casually. “For about a week, a while back. We talked about books and stuff.”

“So that's how you found out about the books.” James had gone from annoyed at his best friend to happy again in a matter of moments.

“Anyway, she seems fairly pissed. I'd suggest laying off of her for a while.” 

James sighed. 

The next few weeks were blissful for Lily, with only one bad mark. There were no flowers, no lilies or roses. They four friends did still spend some time with her, but none of them brought up feelings for her. And none of them brought up Severus.

And that was the only sad part about those weeks. Severus was back in classes, after that first day, though he refused to speak with her. 

She had trouble sleeping still, over her worry about Severus, which led to her sneaking outside once more at night, to sit with her feet in the water of the lake. It was always refreshing to stare up at the stars, and Lily felt particularly comfortable somehow with that small connection to the water.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Lily glanced up to see James, surprising her. Sirius had come out some nights, over the past few weeks, to hang out with her, and talk. They'd gone back to talking about books. 

“Sure.” Lily said. “I mean, I don't mind. Go ahead.” 

James slipped his shoes and socks off and let his feet dangle in the water next to hers. “It's nice out here at night.” James said. 

Lily nodded, not sure what to add to that. 

“I can see why you come out here at night. Breaking rules and all. Pretty bad-ass for a prefect. Remus won't even sneak down to the kitchens with us.”

“I can't sleep.” Lily said, feeling the need to explain why she broke the rules. “And Remus comes out during the full moon.”

James grinned. “Ah, but the rules are different for him in that case. It's just Sirius, Peter and I who break them. The teachers wouldn't want a werewolf loose on the grounds or in the castle, after all.” 

Silence stretched between them for a while, as Lily laid back, looking up at the sky. James watched her for a while, before lying back with her.

“It's so quiet.”

“When you're not talking, yeah.” Lily couldn't help but grin in response to James's laugh.

“I can't help it. When I'm with a beautiful girl, I feel the need to talk.”

Lily groaned. “Not this again.” 

“I don't mean anything by it, merely stating the obvious.” Lily turned her head, finding herself looking directly into James's brown eyes, and was surprised by the sincerity she found there. “You are beautiful. And I do care for you, even if you don't care for me.” He touched a finger to Lily's lips to stop her interruption. “I'm not going to push you for anything. I know that now, and I'm sorry for not stopping sooner. I won't stop caring for you, but I don't expect anything back. I'd rather be your friend, if you'd let me, than lose you altogether.”

There was a question in his eyes. Lily nodded. They both turned back to look at the stars, silence returning between them once more. 

Lily spent more time with the four friends after that, and got a similar apology from Remus, though not outside after hours.

Severus still refused to talk to her, which somehow made the owls that came with letters from her parents – and not Petunia – even worse.

Normally she could talk to Severus about Petunia. He wasn't able to offer any advice, and he didn't care overly so for Petunia, but he had proved a good listener on the subject, and he was the only one at Hogwarts who knew about her.

Until she found herself telling James.

The nights seemed to be split now, with who she spent them with. Whether she talked books with Sirius, or enjoyed silence with James. Sometimes the two of them came together. She didn't have any nights alone, which would have annoyed her before, though now she didn't mind it so much.

It was a night where James was there with her, without Sirius, when she found herself opening up.

“What's wrong?” He asked, noticing how she was more silent than usual. 

Lily shook her head. “It's nothing.” She said, looking down at the still lake, reflecting the stars that shone above them.

“No, it's not.” James caught her chin, and lifted her head up to make her meet his eyes. “Something's up.”

Lily sighed. “It's nothing I can't deal with.”

“But you want to talk about it.” 

Lily raised an eyebrow. “I think, if I'd wanted to talk about it, I'd actually talk about it, instead of avoiding it.”

“Ah, but what if the person you usually talk to about it isn't talking to you?” James asked. 

Lily was surprised beyond words for a moment. “It's Petunia.”

“Your sister?” 

Lily frowned. “I don't remember telling you that.”

“It was not long after we first met.”

“You remember that?”

“I remember everything, when it comes to you.” 

Lily blushed and looked away again, before opening up about it. “It's not that I expect her to talk to me. She hasn't before, and I don't expect now to suddenly be any different. I just... I miss her, especially when  I get letters from my parents. I mean, I hear all about what's happening in her life from them, but never anything from her.”

“Why have you only ever talked to Sni-Snape about this?” James asked.

“It just happened that way.” Lily shrugged. “I have other friends I told about her, when I first got here. But he was the only one who knew her. We knew each other before we came to Hogwarts, you know? He was the one who taught me about magic, and all that.”

“You miss him too, huh?”

Lily nodded, and the tears that had filled her eyes fell, despite her best efforts. James wrapped an arm around her, surprising her, and pulled her towards him, until she rested against his side. “He'll come around.” He said. “And so will she.”

Lily couldn't help but snort. “She hasn't come around yet, and it's been nearly six years.”

“She still talks with you when you're home.”

“Barely.”

“And you said that you saw she kept the letters you sent.”

Lily nodded, and James used his free hand to wipe the tears away from Lily's eyes.

“See? She'll come around.”

Lily smiled, and let herself relax in James's hold.

She wasn't sure when it was exactly that she started having feelings for James, though she thought she could pinpoint the why.

He'd always presented himself as this confident, vain boy. She still saw that, though since he'd given up on trying to win her over with  flowers, and constant attention, and started being her friend, she saw more of him. 

During the Easter break, Lily became sure of her feelings towards him, when he sent a chocolate egg decorated with lilies and petunias to her.

When she returned to Hogwarts after the Easter break, she felt butterflies in her stomach when she saw James  in the Gryffindor common room, knowing what she'd been promised herself she'd do when she saw him next.

He was sitting with Sirius and Remus, with Peter nowhere in sight. Lily couldn't help but stare at the three of them for a moment, as they laughed at something Sirius had said before she walked in.

She still remembered how not even that long ago she'd liked Sirius. And she'd been devastated, knowing that he didn't return her feelings. Somehow liking James was so much harder. Because she knew that something was likely to happen. At least with Sirius, as hard as it had been knowing that he hadn't liked her back, and that nothing would ever happen, it had also been a bitter sweet relief – at least nothing would ever happen. They wouldn't go out, and break up. 

“Umm.. James, mind if I talk to you for a moment?” She managed to ask, cursing herself for her sudden shyness. James raised an eyebrow, but jumped up, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the common room. 

They stood in the hallway just outside, alone but for the few students who headed to or from the common room, some offering a smile, or saying hi before rushing on.

“What's up? Did Petunia talk to you?” 

Lily shook her head. “This isn't about my sister.” She said. “It's about... Well, it's about us. I was wondering... I kind of...” She blushed, mentally cursing herself profusely as her cheeks turned to a vibrant red. Words failing her, she grabbed hold of James's robes, pulling him down and closer to her, pressing her lips to his mouth.

Startled, James soon sunk into the kiss. 

“Well, that was unexpected.” He said, when Lily finally pulled away. “Though I've certainly got no complaints.”

Lily blushed further, and James pulled her into another kiss.

Things seemed somehow so much easier, now that she was going out with James. Their relationship was easy, as they spent more time together, and Lily felt her heart race every time they kissed. 

The only problem came a week into the new term. James had surprised Lily with some flowers and chocolates before class, as he asked her out on their first official date during the next Hogsmeade trip. 

He'd done it before the class they shared with Severus, and kissed her after she'd said yes. Severus grabbed her around her upper arm after the class was over, dragging her away from the friends she'd been walking with.

“What was all that about?” He demanded, dark eyes flashing with anger. 

“Let go of me!” Lily cried out, pulling her arm out of his hard grip, sure that she'd have bruises there later. “What's the matter with you?”

Severus glared at her, his physical position close to her, blocking any exit she might have wanted, and causing her to press against the wall to avoid being against his chest.

“What's the matter with me? I'm not the one who said that I didn't want to date anyone, only to go and start dating your worst enemy.”

“Grow up Severus.” Lily said, trying to push herself further back against the wall, in an attempt to get away from him. “I didn't want to date anyone, and now I do. You're just angry that it wasn't you.”

Severus growled low in his throat. “Maybe I'm just upset that my best friend fell for the very tricks that she assured me she wouldn't.”

“I didn't fall for any tricks. Not that you'd have known, but he backed off from all of his attentions, not long after you started ignoring me. We started talking, and spending time together, as friends and he wasn't using any tricks. I asked him out.”

Severus was silent for a moment, glaring down at Lily who stood tall despite how scared she was. Her upper arm was throbbing where he'd grabbed her. “You were so angry at me that I didn't trust you not to fall for his tricks, that you ignored me. Now you fall for his tricks, and you can't even see it.”

“Let me go Severus.” Lily said, not wanting this conversation to continue any longer. 

“Just remember I warned you about him.” Severus said, turning around and walking off, leaving Lily against the wall, her breath coming faster than normal as she stared after him.

She let herself sink down, leaning against the wall still, and sat there, arms wrapped around legs she'd pulled up to her chest, and cried.

James found her there after their next class had ended. He'd been worried when she hadn't shown up to class, and used the map he'd created with his friends to find her after it was finished.

“Shit. Are you okay?” James sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Lily allowed herself to lean against him, as he grabbed a handkerchief out and passed it to her. Lily wiped her face, and managed a smile.

“I'm okay.” She said. “Just... I had an argument with Severus.”

James's grip on her arm tightened slightly, and Lily winced as one of his fingers dug into skin that was already bruising. 

James rolled up her sleeve despite her protests, revealing the bruises. He swore. “Did he do this?” He demanded, Lily bit her lip, but grudgingly nodded. James's eyes narrowed.

“Don't do anything to him.” Lily said when she recognised the look on his face. “It's fine. I'll be fine.”

“It's not fine. He hurt you.” James said.

Lily grabbed hold of James's face and made him look her in the eyes. “I'll be fine.” She repeated. “ Don't do anything, it's not worth it. He was just upset that I started dating someone after I told him I didn't want to date anyone.” She glossed over the fact that he'd seemed particularly upset she was dating James. “It's over. He won't hurt me any more, so there's no point in doing anything. Besides, it was an accident.”

Lily didn't let go of James's face until he'd promised he wasn't going to do anything. They missed out on their next class together, sitting there in the hall, Lily leaning on James, whose face still betrayed the anger he felt towards Severus Snape. When they'd both calmed down some, and classes were over, they headed to the common room together.

Lily didn't speak to Severus again. When James got revenge on Severus for hurting her, she never saw or heard about it. 

Dating through the Summer was hard, though the letters Lily got from James, and sometimes from Sirius and Remus, cheered her up when Petunia continued to refuse to talk to her. They even managed to meet up in London a few times. Sometimes all five of them, Peter tagging along with his four friends, and other times it was just her and James.

Their seventh year was hard, with all the extra school work, and Lily having been made Head Girl, with all the extra responsibilities that entailed. A lot of the time they spent together became study sessions, usually with Remus, Sirius, and Peter.

They made a date, just the two of them, to meet up when their N.E.W.T results were supposed to arrive. They went to a lake near Lily's house, where they sat on the muggle constructed pier, with their feet in the water, waiting for the owls with their results to come.

Lily was surprised when two owls showed up, instead of the one they were expecting. The first owl had their N.E.W.T results, as expected. The second was carrying a small parcel.

The owls flapped away as Lily watched James put the parcel aside, and they both opened their results first.

They'd both got good marks, Lily's almost invariably being better than James's. With that knowledge, Lily relaxed against James, content.

James cleared his throat. “I know we've been talking about what we want to do in the future.” He started, sliding a few inches away from Lily, and turning to face her, grabbing one of her hands with both of his. “And I know things are uncertain right now, with You-Know-Who, and all. But there's one thing I'm certain about.” 

James swallowed, finding his throat suddenly unbelievably dry. “I was wondering.” He said, letting go of Lily's hand to take the parcel that had been delivered, and hold it in front of him. “Would you do me the honour...”

“Yes.” Lily said, tears of joy springing into her eyes as the parcel opened, revealing a simple ring. “Yes, of course I'll marry you.” James's face broke into a grin, and he pulled his fiancee into a hug, kissing her passionately. 

When they parted, Lily noticed fireworks exploding above the lake. She stared at them in surprise, distracted as James placed the engagement ring on her finger. “Who...”

“Who else?” Sirius asked, as he sauntered over, kicking off his shoes and sitting on the other side of Lily as he let his feet drop in the lake. “Had to celebrate your engagement somehow.”

“This was the only way James would let us.” Remus said, as he sat down on James's other side, refusing to kick off his shoes, and crossing his feet under him. 

Peter sat down on the other side of Remus, a big grin on his face as he looked back and forth between James and Lily. “When's the wedding?” He asked.

The wedding wasn't much later, with the ever constant threat of Voldemort looming. It was a small gathering, with their family and closest friends, though Petunia didn't show up. 

Lily was resplendent in white as she walked down the aisle in a dress her Slytherin friend,  Camille, who was working hard to get a name as a fashion designer, had created just for her. They got married in the Potters's back yard, surrounded by red roses, both growing, and conjured, littering the ground. She smiled when she saw the roses, remembering how much she used to hate them.

When the ceremony had ended, and she threw her bouquet of lilies, she had to ask him.

“Why roses?” She asked, as they shared their first dance as a married couple together. 

James looked surprised at the question. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, Remus gave me lilies, an obvious choice because of my name. When Severus tried to ask me out he gave me a petunia, another obvious choice, because of my sister. But with you, it was always roses. Why?”

“They're beautiful. Just like you.” James said, earning him a kiss. He was grinning when Lily pulled away again, love in her eyes. “Besides, lilies would be the boring choice. If I went with the boring choice, I wouldn't have ever tried to ask you out.” He was laughing as he said it, and Lily smiled and kissed him again.

They did everything together after that. They joined the order together, along with Remus, Sirius, and Peter, of course. And when they came across Voldemort for the first time, it was together.

Twice more they came across him, as they worked with the order to hinder him. 

When Lily found out she was pregnant, they were both ecstatic. Though the thought of the world they'd be bringing their son into saddened Lily, she was sure that nothing could beat the happiness of the family they'd be bringing him into. 

Going into hiding had been hard. Especially when young Harry was suddenly cut off from most of his family. It was for his sake, however, that they did it, with Sirius, acting as secret keeper, being the one who spent most of his time with them.

Then his first birthday came around. While James was chasing after Harry, with Remus's help, Lily sat next to Sirius, laughing at the trio. 

“I wish Petunia could see this.” She found herself saying. “She's never even seen her nephew. Or I mine.” 

“She's missing out. You've got one amazing boy there. He's got great parents.”

“And a great godparent, who'd do anything for him.” Lily said, gently nudging Sirius, who responded with a grin.

Silence stretched between them for a moment. Finally, Lily broke it. “I hear you've been hanging around with Camille lately.” 

Sirius blinked, momentarily spun by the topic of conversation. “Well, she's part of the order, it's hard not to spend time with her.”

“You don't like her?” Lily asked, as James managed to catch Harry, a grin on all three faces as her husband threw her son in the air.

“She's a very nice woman...” Sirius said.

“But?” 

Sirius shook his head, and stood up, walking over to catch Harry after the next time James threw him. Lily glanced down at her hands, folded in her lap.

She loved James dearly, and Harry, and their life together. But part of her had never been able to get over her early crush. She knew nothing would ever come of it though, and had spent as much of her time cooped up as possibly in trying to set him up with someone. She thought he deserved to be as happy as she was with James, and Harry.

She watched now as he caught Harry, holding her son up in the air, the boy giggling with delight in his godfathers arms. 

James walked over and sat down next to her, casually slinging an arm around her and pulling her close, as they watched Sirius and Remus playing with Harry. “I wish we could do this more often.” He said, his tone wistful.

When they'd first joined the order, Lily had loved to see the serious side of her husband. Now, it was just nice to see those times when he could relax and be a happy father. 

“We all do.” Lily said. 

It wasn't long after that, that Lily got an owl, carrying a letter. Opening it, a red tulip fell out. Lily picked it up as she read the letter.

 

_Lily,_

 

_I hate to put this in writing, but I can't bring myself to in person, not with you. I've already told James. I've asked Peter to be secret keeper, I can't bear it any longer._

_What I haven't told them, is why._

_You asked me once why I didn't like you, and I told you it was because James and Remus liked you. That was true enough. The lie was before that. I did like you. I do like you. Through all the years I've known you, you've been one of the brightest things in my life. I loved talking about books with you, or just any old thing._

_Before that, I admired you from a distance, for the strong, beautiful girl I saw you were. You haven't changed, and neither have my feelings for you._

_I thought, when James asked you to marry him, that they would go away. When I saw you walk down the aisle, more beautiful than any bride has any right to be, I knew that wasn't the case._

_I convinced myself then, that they'd go when you were pregnant with Harry._

_Until you, I'd never understood that women glowed with their pregnancies. I'd heard it before, but never seen it. You became more radiant than ever. And when James's son nestled in your arms, and you named me his godfather, I felt something break._

_I never wanted something more than I wanted that boy to be my son. Than I wanted you to be my wife._

_But James was, and remains still, my best friend. There's nothing that can change that, any more than anything could change my love for you._

_So I have decided to remove myself from the equation. I'll still be here, for you, for James, and for Harry. But I'm going to travel for a while, on my bike._

_I'll be back for all the important days, and I'll only be an owl away, wherever I may be._

_All my love,_

 

_Sirius_

 

Lily clutched the letter to her heart for a moment, tears overflowing from her eyes. She dried them, and did a quick charm she'd learned long ago to hide that she'd been crying. She quickly set the letter on fire, letting the ashes cool before she binned them. The tulip she held for a moment longer, staring at the red flower, with a sad smile on her face.

She'd always loved tulips.

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying to stick close to the potterverse with this. Hope you liked it, and I love getting feedback if you've got anything to say :3


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